Marching on

I see storm clouds on the travel horizon. I’ve had it too easy the past month without too much travel and my check is about to be cashed.

Next week I’m in CA working at a customer site. I’ve been invited (AKA ordered) by my manager to head to the CA office next weekend for a “team building” exercise. This means golf. Too say that I suck at golf is too polite. I’ll have the pleasure of looking like a total idiot in front of my “team members”.

Week after next I’m (still) in Ca for a corporate road show. (That’s one weekend at home I’m missing.) Road shows = pickled livers.

The week road show I’m in Tokyo. (Second weekend at home I’m missing)

The week after that I’m in Austin. (Third weekend at home I’m missing)

The week after that I’m back in CA.

So let’s see…it looks like the grand sum of about 18 hours in my house over the next month.

Am I on a career path or the Baton Death March?

Cell Phones

Why do some men find it necessary to carry on conversations on their mobile phones while urinating in public restrooms? Do woman do this too?

I found myself in a airport restroom yesterday afternoon, standing in my “spot” at the urinal, having the pleasure of listening to two different men carry on conversations on their Bluetooth ear phones while urinating.

Now mind you, I’m not a complete curmudgeon. If my next door urinal neighbor is talking on their cell phone and it’s obvious that someone is dying/dead/near death, I understand the need. I suppose. Well, perhaps not, but let’s just say I can roll with that scenario with a minimum of internal groaning. I don’t hear the conversations where someone is dying though, what I typically hear are two types of conversations;

Mundane: “I’m at the airport now getting ready to fly to ….” I hope the person on the other end of the phone is impressed, because no one else in the restroom is impressed with this kind of conversation. I’d like to interject a little fun into one of their conversations, just once, by yelling, “Hey, did you know that this guy is holding his penis and urinating while he talks to you about the weather??”

Simulated Importance: “I’m working right now to close the 14 million dollar deal.” Yeah, sure you are. You have so much self confidence that you’re telling a bathroom full of complete strangers, who will never see you again, about your big “deal” while you urinate. I say grow a penis so that you can stop pretending that you’re important during your phone conversations in the bathroom.

I won’t even touch the topic of men who talk on their cell phones while having bowel movements.

blah

This morning I was thinking about shooting myself. I don’t own a gun, so I guess that flushes that area of pondering. I wouldn’t kill myself anyway, but still…it was an area of pondering.

I’m a middle aged married man with children, yet I rarely hear the laughter of children in my house. How did I manage to doom myself to this winter morning of standing in my home, in absolute silence, knowing that I am absolutely barren as a father? How much of my identity as a father did I forfeit upon signing on the dotted line of the divorce paper over a decade ago?

I try to communicate with my children in ways that my father never communicated with me, and yet, I fail. I’m broadcasting to receivers that aren’t even remotely tuned to my frequency. I find myself wondering, annoyed, what exactly do my children want from me? I try to give them of myself, yet…it’s not enough. We don’t communicate.

I’m confused about my career. How much money do I need to save for retirement? My friends tell me that I need more. How much is “more”? “Just have more” they tell me. More than what? I’m well on my way to being a millionaire when I retire. How much do I need?

I pray for solace, yet none is given to me.
I pray for understanding of this life I lead, yet understanding eludes me.
I pray that my life has some sort of meaning, yet I fear it has none, and that I will never be granted the understanding from God as to what my true purpose is on this globe.
I seek, yet I fine no solace.